There is a lot of wisdom about learning to focus on yourself as that is what the partner in recovery is doing. They take good care of themselves, and frankly they always have...When they were drinking they always made sure they did whatever it took to get one.
It is delusional to think that an alcoholic, or one in recovery, can "take care" of you. Actually it is delusional to think that anyone can. However us partners of people in recovery (or not in recovery) excel at taking care of others. I know for me it has been what I thought would complete me.
For years I "took care" of Mark and in the process I lost everything. My job, my looks, my friends, my self esteem, my body, and my soul. I also take care of our son. I just have not taken care of me. I thought that would selfish.
Taking care of me is the best thing I can do for everyone. It is where I put my intentions. When I am the best me I can be I send good energy into the universe and it flows back to me.
Addiction, loss, and illness brings a lot of toxic energy. Today I will repel toxic energy and exude a positive direction. This is not easy when in recovery as a family. However it is necessary in order to move forward.
Today my positive energy extends to an interfaith outreach program, an Internet campaign on childhood obesity, and a yoga teacher training. Although i need to lost weight and do not yet look like a yoga teacher. I intend to do this. I find that yoga is life and breath is life.
When we are born we breath in a huge breath and when we die we let out a huge breath. Everyday in between is ours to live to the fullest. That is where I am today, 3 years in recovery. I intend to live MY life and also to have LOVE in the form of HEALTHY partnership and family. It is time.
Fortunately Mark and I and our son are on the same page with this...Our son loves Bon Jovi and the song "It's My Life...it's now or never, I ain't gonna live forever...I just want to live while I'm alive." Living with and through addiction is dying while you are live it is not living. Getting over the scars is not joyful. For Mark everyday he does not drink it is a gift. I respect that.
With sobriety we can actually move forward as a family. I want a deep comitted relationship. We are not there. When we are that will be my gift. Mark is working on this. I am working on building that kind of relationship with myself. I believe we will meet in the middle soon.