I have so much to be grateful for today (and every day, really). A lot of the time, I forget to count my blessings, and I let my focus shift to the negative, rather than the positive, and that's when my thinkin' becomes quite stinkin'. I can quickly spiral into an entirely self-induced depression.
That's what's been going on with me for the past couple of weeks, off and on, but a lot more on than off. I've had some sporadic, but too brief breakthroughs of ration and reason, but until I became really aware of what I was allowing to happen by the manner in which I was choosing to perceive everything and everyone around me, I couldn't shake myself out of my "blue funk" (an appropriate term for my dark moods my mother used when I was going through the turbulent teenage years).
I finally realized that I was choosing to be miserable and that I could choose NOT to be miserable, and that doing so required honesty, awareness and action.
Yesterday, I woke up full of energy, and with a positive outlook that is still with me today. I went to a fantastic meeting last night, and a great one this morning, and then had breakfast and a long talk with my amazing sponsor.
It's almost incomprehensible that I can go from being utterly depressed and miserable, wanting to hide and isolate to being -- yes! -- happy, joyous and free, simply by choosing to view things positively and remembering to thank God for all His blessings and gifts.
Today, I am grateful for:
A loving, supportive husband who encourages me in my sobriety, and in working an active program.
A sponsor who is amazingly honest and authentic, and who by example encourages me to be honest and authentic, and who also is truly a friend (you really do want one who'll call you on your shit, but also tells you when she sees progress and growth!).
The gifts of the program I'm seeing increase every day.
The growing ability to identify my fears and face them and to know that I CAN walk through them and come out on the other side without dying or picking up a drink.
My sweet and funny kit- kat -kitten, Boots, who sleeps with me every night and makes me laugh every day.
A closer and more honest relationship with my mother than I think we've ever shared before now.
My Higher Power, the God of my understanding, who is with me 24/7, rain or shine, good or bad, happy or sad -- I can get through anything with His help, and with the support of...
...My friends in the Program, in real life, and in cyber space.
I love you all, and I wish each of you a super, serene Saturday!