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Saturday Serenity

Posted Oct 28 2008 9:46pm

I have so much to be grateful for today (and every day, really). A lot of the time, I forget to count my blessings, and I let my focus shift to the negative, rather than the positive, and that's when my thinkin' becomes quite stinkin'. I can quickly spiral into an entirely self-induced depression.

That's what's been going on with me for the past couple of weeks, off and on, but a lot more on than off. I've had some sporadic, but too brief breakthroughs of ration and reason, but until I became really aware of what I was allowing to happen by the manner in which I was choosing to perceive everything and everyone around me, I couldn't shake myself out of my "blue funk" (an appropriate term for my dark moods my mother used when I was going through the turbulent teenage years).

I finally realized that I was choosing to be miserable and that I could choose NOT to be miserable, and that doing so required honesty, awareness and action.

Yesterday, I woke up full of energy, and with a positive outlook that is still with me today. I went to a fantastic meeting last night, and a great one this morning, and then had breakfast and a long talk with my amazing sponsor.

It's almost incomprehensible that I can go from being utterly depressed and miserable, wanting to hide and isolate to being -- yes! -- happy, joyous and free, simply by choosing to view things positively and remembering to thank God for all His blessings and gifts.

Today, I am grateful for:

  • A loving, supportive husband who encourages me in my sobriety, and in working an active program.
  • A sponsor who is amazingly honest and authentic, and who by example encourages me to be honest and authentic, and who also is truly a friend (you really do want one who'll call you on your shit, but also tells you when she sees progress and growth!).
  • The gifts of the program I'm seeing increase every day.
  • The growing ability to identify my fears and face them and to know that I CAN walk through them and come out on the other side without dying or picking up a drink.
  • My sweet and funny kit- kat -kitten, Boots, who sleeps with me every night and makes me laugh every day.
  • A closer and more honest relationship with my mother than I think we've ever shared before now.
  • My Higher Power, the God of my understanding, who is with me 24/7, rain or shine, good or bad, happy or sad -- I can get through anything with His help, and with the support of...
  • ...My friends in the Program, in real life, and in cyber space.

I love you all, and I wish each of you a super, serene Saturday!


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