So what actually happened was that by 2pm I had convinced myself not to go to the cook-out for several yahda yahda reasons. I was accomplishing stuff at home, working for an hour, taking an hour off. Then it was 4pm, time to work some more and I reminded myself that being out with people was part of my work, too. I know that I need that as part of self care.
So, I went late and took nothing. I can't say I had a GREAT time but it filled in a corner of my life, I have great respect and affection for the hosts. They are celebrating 30 years of friendship and were married last year and I am a better woman for any time that I spend with them.
What's good about today is realizing that selfishness does not expand my world.