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my first glimmer of hope in aa

Posted Oct 05 2009 10:03pm
I know it may seem strange to have a picture of my new car with the title of my blog, but I thought I'd take a minute tonight to explain why my stolen car meant so much to me and what a strangely emotional journey this weekend was.

After being in the psych ward for the 4th time in 4 months, my soon-to-be sponsor brought an H&I panel to the hospital and gave me her number to call when I got out if I wanted to go to a meeting. I was never interesting in AA or going anyplace where people talked about G-d, but by that point, I was beaten into a state of reasonableness by alcohol. I called her and met her at a meeting, where I was introduced to a whole host of sober alcoholics who all hung out together. They invited me to dinner with them and kept telling me where they would be night after night. And the miracle is, I kept showing up. After a couple of weeks, I got into a car accident on the way to one of those AA meetings and my car was totaled.

I vividly remember telling the police that I didn't want to be taken to the hospital, I just wanted a ride home. The tow driver drove me home, I walked to the liquor store and thought, screw being sober and screw these AA people who told me my life would get better if I stopped drinking. I also remember thinking, If I hadn't been going to that stupid AA meeting, none of this would have happened.

It was the best thing. I missed those people and that woman who had been so kind to me. I called her a few days later, told her I drank and asked if I was still allowed to go back to a meeting and meet her. She told me if I could get myself there, she would make sure I had a ride home. I did and she did for over a month while my insurance sorted out the car situation.

When I finally received my insurance check and it was time to look for another car, my sponsor's friends helped me know what to look for and where to go. In fact, a whole night over dinner was devoted to people sharing their experiences looking for cars, what to do and not to do. I couldn't believe all these people were being so helpful and gave a crap about me and my car.

Another woman (my eventual second sponsor) offered to come with me to the dealership where she had such a great experience so I wouldn't have to do it alone. We held hands and said the serenity prayer in her car before we walked out to the dealership, which I found a little lame-o and also very reassuring.

It was my first experience of hope and love and caring from the people in Alcoholics Anonymous. I may have said good-bye to that car, but I will always treasure that experience and they example they showed me.
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