Has it really been over two months since I blogged here? I guess I haven't had many issues to deal with this summer, or I haven't had any ah-ha moments. Actually, I did have one old issue to deal with, my own irritability. I'm over it now, but I found myself jumping back into old behavior for a couple of weeks in July. I wanted to blame it on the heat and humidity, but I have central A/C plus a car with good-working A/C, and we went camping in the mountains for part of that time, sooooo I could only blame myself.
Something had to be going on with me, or not going on with me as it turned out - I was forgetting to make "conscious contact" with my Greater Power in the morning and then throughout the day. I was relying on myself again for everything and then getting angry at others for not meeting my needs, not living up to my expectations. Does this sound familiar? It is one of the symptoms of our shared disease - Al-Anonism. Because we had to do everything ourselves as children and/or as adults living with alcoholism, we continue to think we're alone in this world, even if we currently have a great support system and healthy family.
Although I've been in Al-Anon over two decades, I still stumble and fall. I always will. The difference is that now I can look at myself, call my sponsor for help, ask a good friend or two for advice, and make amends to myself and others I may have hurt along the way. I don't have to continue to suffer. I don't have to continue misbehaving. I have choices now. I always did, but before Al-Anon I didn't know I had choices. I just lived a reactive life. If I was irritable, I stayed irritable. Now I can change my thinking, change my mood, and change my life!