Does your alcoholic husband or alcoholic boyfriend seem like a different person when he drinks? Is he like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? As a psychiatrist that specializes in addiction, I hear everything. Some people will tell me their alcoholic husband is a friendly drunk and very outgoing. Many times, however, an alcoholic husband is described as very mean when he has been drinking alcohol to excess.
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Is YOUR ALCOHOLIC SPOUSE a mean drunk? Here are signs of an alcoholic personality:
Does he put down your friends, your parents, your boss and other people in your life that actually treat you better than he does?
Does he throw a drunken tirade and criticize you including your job or career?
Does he say the house isn’t “clean” enough or your cooking is terrible even though he isn’t helping?
Does he say rude, derogatory things about your weight or your looks which damage your self esteem?
Does he resort to calling you names and swearing?
Does he grab you, kiss you, and act “frisky” after fighting with you as you recoil in disgust? Does he do this within one hour of being emotionally abusive?
Does he get angry and put you down for not responding to his advances after he has been obnoxious, rude, and disrespectful?
Even worse, does he ever push you or hit you?
Any time you are in a situation that is toxic to your self esteem, you owe it to yourself to change your situation and set boundaries. Even though your alcoholic husband is suffering from a disease, you should always protect yourself from disrespect. If you put up with his alcoholic behavior, you will lose your self esteem.
If your alcoholic husband or alcoholic boyfriend is emotionally abusive when he has been drinking, you must set a boundary and ask him to stay somewhere else or YOU go stay somewhere else (even though it seems unfair- it is an important message). You may have to consider a separation or even a divorce if he is not willing to get help for his alcohol problem. Go to Al-anon meetings to get support.
If there is physical abuse involved, get the police involved. Separate yourself form the situation. Your safety and your children’s safety comes first.