I sat in a great meeting last night where the speaker read a couple of passages from Step 4 out of the 12 &12.
I was struck by the word instinct. When I think back to my drinking days and even into sobriety my instincts are/were to lie, steal, hide, cheat, get away with something, run, deny, and to passively play the victim.
I thought about it further and realized that all of these instincts, these reactions are completely and utterly based in fear. That same old record of, if I told you what I was really thinking, you'd run away and never return. Sadly, that record can still play today.
I'm starting my first step today for the second time in sobriety. I decided to read through the chapter in the 12&12 on Step 1 - one of the first sentences is: 'Every natural instinct cries out against the idea of personal powerlessness'
...and there it is again, that INSTINCT, but for this alcoholic, my instincts are tainted because they are based in fear & ego. Powerlessness is not something I like to admit, and while I know I am powerless of alcohol, it's interesting to look at other areas in my life and how I CLING onto them for dear life trying to control.
This re-taking of the steps is coming at a good time for me and I am ready to learn more & delve deeper at least I think I am - here goes nothin!
I was struck by the word instinct. When I think back to my drinking days and even into sobriety my instincts are/were to lie, steal, hide, cheat, get away with something, run, deny, and to passively play the victim.
I thought about it further and realized that all of these instincts, these reactions are completely and utterly based in fear. That same old record of, if I told you what I was really thinking, you'd run away and never return. Sadly, that record can still play today.
I'm starting my first step today for the second time in sobriety. I decided to read through the chapter in the 12&12 on Step 1 - one of the first sentences is: 'Every natural instinct cries out against the idea of personal powerlessness'
...and there it is again, that INSTINCT, but for this alcoholic, my instincts are tainted because they are based in fear & ego. Powerlessness is not something I like to admit, and while I know I am powerless of alcohol, it's interesting to look at other areas in my life and how I CLING onto them for dear life trying to control.
This re-taking of the steps is coming at a good time for me and I am ready to learn more & delve deeper at least I think I am - here goes nothin!