I do not want to turn this post into one of those “Poor pitiful me” posts. I also do not want to turn it into a laundry list of why I haven’t posted this week. I could say that I haven’t posted because I’m following Thumper’s Father’s advice–If you can’t say somthin nice, don’t say nuthin’ at all.
I could say that, but it wouldn’t exactly be true. I’ve said a lot of not-nice things. I’ve said them to my family, my friends, my coworkers, my doctor and my God. (Who’d I leave out? Anyone?) I’ve done more griping and whining this week than in any week I can remember in the recent past. And I suppose that I could have had some sort of catharsis by coming here and spilling that muck into all of cyber-world. But since I see how it’s poisoning my In Real Life environs, I guess I wanted to contain it as best I could. Bad enough that I’m infecting most of my little world, even worse to broadcast that infection to the entire planet.
This is such a stark contrast to last week when I was theDelores Herbigof my work environment. So completely determined to be sunny and treat each day like a divinely gifted Do-over. That, of course, spilled over to my home life where I was able to remain positive and calm in the face of the daily grind.
What is different about last week and this?
Physically, I’m fighting a pretty wicked sinus infection. Maybe…just maybe…the medications my doctor gave me (an antibiotic, a decongestant and an inhaler) are messing with my mental meds? I haven’t slept well both because I never sleep well (toddler with sleep issues!) and because I’m sick. So maybe I’m just tired? I’m sick and tired! The plaintive cry of mother’s everywhere! Sick and Tired!
At work, I’m completely overwhelmed. I’ve been handed one too many disappointments this week in my work life. (One too many = 2 major, on top of the daily disappointment of having to work in the first place…HA!). My Delores impression caved after the first one, because…well it was a biggie for my morale. The second one was the icing on the sweet cake of Good Lord, who cares about the diet at a time like this?
Is that it? Is that all I can think of that has derailed me emotionally? Pardon me while I get sick of even myself.
I think this is what I want to say to anyone and everyone who reads this blog. Some days…some weeks…I feel like a total hypocrite. I come here and I write what I believe God shows me and within a couple of days, what I have written becomes tested. Situations arise where the truths I shared *ought* to be pulled out and practiced.
But I don’t.
I know I’m shooting myself in the foot when I do that, but there it is. I try very hard to understand this and move from hypocrite to someone who consistently walks the walk. I try and I try and good Lord, I beg Him to help me. And maybe the fact that after a few days…after a full week goes by…I recognize that I haven’t walked the walk…maybe that fact alone means I am not a TOTAL hypocrite. Maybe I am a baby, beginner hypocrite. I don’t know.
And I’m a little beaten down right now to try to figure that out. Give me a weekend, a worship service, the opportunity to finish one or two nagging projects (productivity = better than antidepressants) and maybe take a nap and my outlook will probably change. Allow me to spend some time feeding myself something OTHER than sweets, salty snacks and *gasp* REFINED CARBOHYDRATES and maybe my strength will return. Perhaps if I take some time off of the news reel (politics and gas prices, GRR) and theDVDdiet (So long, Delores, see you on the flip side sister) I would be able to formulate a coherent, spiritually mature response to life’s disappointments, both major and minor.
Since this week I’ve pretty much fallen flat on my face, spiritually I figure I’ll probably just stay in that position until my intellectual, emotional, and spiritual meters have been reset. Ya’ll have a great weekend, however you choose to spend it. I’ll see ya on Monday.