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Has Your Alcoholic Spouse Replaced You With Alcohol?

Posted May 14 2010 6:28am

Does your alcoholic spouse love alcohol more than you?

The most common theme I hear as a psychiatrist treating alcohol problems and drug addiction is how selfish an alcoholic husband or an alcoholic wife can be. Even people whose  alcoholic spouses have died of alcoholism are still incredibly angry at them for the selfishness they showed during their life.

Do you feel like your alcoholic spouse doesn’t love you enough or that you are not worthwhile enough for them to stop drinking? What a terrible feeling! Behind all the anger and frustration you feel is usually a deep sadness at your core and a feeling of uncertainty that you have driven your alcoholic spouse to drink, in some way. Here are examples of typical selfish “alcoholic behavior” that you probably are enduring:

  • Your alcoholic spouse doesn’t come home until the middle of the night or sometimes doesn’t come home at all.
  • Your alcoholic spouse ignores all your phone calls and your texts and you start to worry they have been in an accident or arrested.
  • Your alcoholic wife is too hungover to participate in the family or take care of her responsibilities.
  • Your alcoholic husband goes into work late or misses work and risks losing his job.
  • Your alcoholic husband has an affair which hurts you deeply and he ends up giving you a sexually transmitted disease.
  • Your alcoholic spouse lies to you and ruins the foundation of your trust in the relationship.
  • Your alcoholic wife take chances drinking and driving even with your kids in the car and jeopardizes their safety.
  • Your alcoholic husband is hurting his physical health and will die prematurely.

The most important thing you lose in putting up with all this is your self respect. Even if you love your alcoholic spouse, you should never sacrifice a good feeling about yourself for another person. Learn to take care of YOU.  You count! Going to Al-Anon meetings can help you and therapy may help you. Venting to friends is beneficial too. You are not have to feel alone in this. Get support. Learn to set boundaries to increase the chance your alcoholic spouse will get help for their alcohol problem. No one knows better than you, it’s miserable to live in an alcoholic family.

(For additional help turning your marriage around, click here to register for my free report on, “The 5 Most Effective Ways To Turn Your Marriage Around To Your Alcoholic Spouse. It may save your family’s life. The information in this report gives you very simple strategies that could very well save your marriage).

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