The following video, “Daughter Who Released Video of Beating From Her Father,” appearing as a “TODAY Exclusive” on msnbc.com, is so disturbing to watch for what a father is doing to his daughter and for what a mother is doing by standing by and then doing it, herself. BUT, if you can watch the video a second time or skip to minute 7:13, I want to draw your attention to what the mother has to say when asked, “How does a mother not only stand by and watch her husband do that to her daughter but take part in it?” Her answer, “That’s a good question and one that I had to ask myself…and my answer to you and the world is something that I’ve been hiding for a very long time and that’s a family secret – addiction [the father/husband's addiction]… because I lived in the environment of dysfunction and it steadily got worse… I was completely brainwashed and controlled, I did every single thing that he did….”
In my work with domestic violence professionals, family law attorneys and families — repeatedly I say, “If substance abuse or addiction is alleged, it doesn’t matter how much or how bad. If substance abuse is alleged; it’s happening. People don’t talk about someone’s drinking or drug use if there isn’t a problem. Not only that, but when these kinds of incomprehensible behaviors occur, it’s equally important to dig below the presenting scenario because often, what’s underneath, is substance abuse and/or addiction.
Substance abuse and/or alcoholism/drug addiction changes the “thinking” of everyone in a family — substance abuse changes the brain of the substance abuser/alcoholic/drug addict and secondhand drinking/drugging (SHDD) changes the brain of the family member, as well. So if it is alleged or a scenario as horrific as this one unfolds, don’t get caught up in finger pointing. Learn as much as you can about how the brain changes, what can re-wire or “fix” it and until that can be accomplished, don’t take a person’s word or promise to change — set up visitation, custody, financial settlements, etc. that protect and help the innocent, as well as the person who is so ill they could/would do such a thing.
by Lisa Frederiksen
The following video, “Daughter Who Released Video of Beating From Her Father,” appearing as a “TODAY Exclusive” on msnbc.com, is so disturbing to watch for what a father is doing to his daughter and for what a mother is doing by standing by and then doing it, herself. BUT, if you can watch the video a second time or skip to minute 7:13, I want to draw your attention to what the mother has to say when asked, “How does a mother not only stand by and watch her husband do that to her daughter but take part in it?” Her answer, “That’s a good question and one that I had to ask myself…and my answer to you and the world is something that I’ve been hiding for a very long time and that’s a family secret – addiction [the father/husband's addiction]… because I lived in the environment of dysfunction and it steadily got worse… I was completely brainwashed and controlled, I did every single thing that he did….”
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news , world news , and news about the economyIn my work with domestic violence professionals, family law attorneys and families — repeatedly I say, “If substance abuse or addiction is alleged, it doesn’t matter how much or how bad. If substance abuse is alleged; it’s happening. People don’t talk about someone’s drinking or drug use if there isn’t a problem. Not only that, but when these kinds of incomprehensible behaviors occur, it’s equally important to dig below the presenting scenario because often, what’s underneath, is substance abuse and/or addiction.
Substance abuse and/or alcoholism/drug addiction changes the “thinking” of everyone in a family — substance abuse changes the brain of the substance abuser/alcoholic/drug addict and secondhand drinking/drugging (SHDD) changes the brain of the family member, as well. So if it is alleged or a scenario as horrific as this one unfolds, don’t get caught up in finger pointing. Learn as much as you can about how the brain changes, what can re-wire or “fix” it and until that can be accomplished, don’t take a person’s word or promise to change — set up visitation, custody, financial settlements, etc. that protect and help the innocent, as well as the person who is so ill they could/would do such a thing.
Secondhand Drinking/Drugging
Protecting Yourself From Secondhand Drinking
The Brain Can Change When Substance Abuse is Stopped