Does your alcoholic husband ever blame his drinking on you? For example, does he say things like, “If you didn’t nag me so much I wouldn’t drink”. “If you took better care of the house and the kids, I wouldn’t be so stressed”. Does he say this often enough, you start to wonder if he’s right?
Is his alcohol problem your fault? Of course not, but he wants you to think so.
Are you married to an alcoholic spouse and wondering if you are responsible for his alcoholic behavior? As a psychiatrist that treats a lot of spouses in your position, I can tell you this is a very common feeling.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
Why do you feel responsible for his alcoholism? Here are 3 common reasons why:
He blames his excessive on you because he says you cause him to feel stressed out (he fails to mention that you confronted him because he did not home the other night and broke his promise to quit drinking alcohol).
He says he spends less time at home because you are too depressed and irritable to be around.
When he is drunk, he says nasty, degrading, and insulting remarks to you that hurt your self esteem.
Quit blaming yourself for his disease! However, look inside yourself for signs of codependency. In other words, why do you tolerate this kind of treatment from the person you married? Of course you love him, but there is more to the story.
Consider going to an Al-anon meeting and talk to other women married to alcoholic spouses. At these meetings, you will learn about setting better boundaries with your alcoholic husband. You deserve respectful treatment.
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