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Posted Oct 21 2008 12:55am

Al-Anon gave me detachment. As I have been practicing detachment I have learned that I can be indifferent to what someone says. I used to "react" to what everyone or anyone said. I would react either in a verbal response or I would feel a response within my body.

But lately I have had some very different reactions . . . or should I say, "non-reactions."

When I can keep "me" from being "attached" to something, I find I do not react if someone says something negative or distressing about it. That is, if I keep myself detached from the object or what is being said, I find I can look at what is said, and what is being said about the "object" of discussion, and who is actually saying it, in its proper perspective.

I find there are two triggers in not being able to detach.

  1. First, there may be someone that I just don't like. When someone I don't like, or I view as negative or attacking, I could have a negative reaction to whatever they say. It would not even matter what they said. I would just associate whatever they were saying - as negatvie. There is a second side to this. If there was someone I liked or respected, whatever they said, I would find this positive.
  2. A second trigger could be something - an object - as some part of me. Usually this is because I put some effort or some time or my passion into the object. The object could be a letter, a proposal, the paint color I chose for a room. Some how I could get my "pride" or "ego" involved and the object would become part of "me." Now this is impossible physically as we all know. But who has not felt this at one time or another.

If I can be calm, look at what is said and who is saying it, and see what is said as not "me" I can be detached and not be offended.

Being detached is an interesting thing. You can almost literally watch words go by you. You can sit objectively and say, "Isn't that interesting. I am not being hit with these words. They just go by me."

I picked up a book everyone in the world has apparently read but me. I picked up EckartTolle's A New Earth. It talks about detachment and how the ego makes us "one" with certain objects. A great book. It provides information on how we become "attached" and how we can never find peace.

Now, this New Earth book, is not a book for people who are in the strife of alcoholism. But it does help in detaching and understanding how we can detach better.

I also have found that just because someone says something about me to me or about me to others, I am less likely to feel bad. This detachment thing is pretty cool. I do have my slips however, as I found my button(s) being pushed the other day by my qualifier. I only attached though, when I responded (reacted). That is, I felt emotionally charged when I responded. The response made me attach to what was said. Interesting . . . The next time, I will not respond. Therefore, I will not have attached to what was being said.

I hope this helps with detachment - More on this later -

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