It's 2am and I'm wide awake, my mind racing. The holidays, the cooking, the mother, the job, the interviewing for another counterpart. Yup, that's about it.
So, I'm up writing about it, think that I'll write some morning pages about it. Such a tiring day that I got home a bit late, an hour or so. I didn't feel like rushing off for my Tues night Alanon meeting. Instead sat with my mom watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. A nice habit but not one that I want to miss too many meetings over, I an set her up with it on the TV and then leave if I need to. I say NEED from the perspective of self care. I will feel refreshed if I attend to going to a meeting or out to the gym.
It's an opportunity having my mother so close to me after all these years. She is the genesis of my world view, no wonder that I had to put physically a lot of miles between us in order to find my way in the world, to grow up. Part of my morning is to watch for the sunrise, sit and watch it, revel in this connection with the beauty available just for the looking, enjoy the spiritual aspect of being a small piece of such a fantastic whole. It's like looking at the tininess and hugeness of life all at once, a reverent way to start the day.
My mother, not so reverent. She gets the beauty but in her words this am, just another morning. She does 'not get' that the universe is abundant and ready to provide for her. She does not get that she is blessed just by being here. It's all on her shoulders in such a limited belief system and those shoulders are tired.
The difference is that now I know she is like many others and I don't have to take it personally or try to fix her. I just need to speak my piece and claim my ground occasionally. And then let her be. She has her own higher power whether she claims it or not.
What's good about today is tolerance. It begins at home for me. Peace in our hearts, peace in our homes, peace in the world.