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Breathe Bats, Breathe

Posted Aug 13 2009 7:48pm

I want to give an update on my Dad  really quick.  We spoke for our usual 1 & 1/2 last night, it’s usual because that’s just us when we get on the phone together, we just love talking with each other.  I am so happy he’s decided that he’s not taking the test results as the final answer.  We both agree that in this day and age medical wise, there has to be something that they can do to his heart to extend his life and quality of life.  So I’m happy to report that he’s past the giving up stage and has moved on to the ‘fight for his life’ stage.  So I’m anxious for him to speak with his doctor and get another doctor for a second opinion but patience has to be a virtue in this situation, it’s just so hard to have patience when you know how sick and close he is to death.  Breathe Bats, Breathe.

Last night was so damn hard, my mind is lost without cigarettes and it feels as though somersaults are being preformed in my brain.  So last night about 11:30pm I trudge off to bed bitching to myself that I can’t smoke or drink, I just can’t because this house  means more to me than those damn cigarettes and beer .  Or at least that’s what I am pretending to believe at this point.  I’ve never been a straight edge kinda gal and this shit is hard, and I’m in a bad mood.  You know what makes this incredibly hard?  My hubby smokes, so right now I despise him, and I wouldn’t mind flicking him continuously in the forehead.  Breathe Bats, Breathe.

Tomorrow my daughter is having her friend over for dinner, and well I really hope I am in a better mood by then.  Even when I did smoke and drink, having this girl over for anything if even just to play for an hour is teeth pulling pleasure.  She’s sneaky, I don’t enjoy sneaky kids.  I only enjoy sneaky things if they are ferrets.  She also seems like she doesn’t know what to do when she’s out of her own environment so tends to try and boss my daughter around and then when I go to say something to her, she seems to think she’s older than me and knows more than me, so pretty much she thinks she is the adult.  I don’t like it when kids think that they are the parent and I’m just around.  She came over the other day for a few hours and I overheard her talking with my daughter about something completely not appropriate for an 8 year old, she’s also 8 by the way.  “Her Mommy killed her, tied her up and buried her in the woods.”  I stopped dead in my own tracks but decided not to start anything and leave it for a discussion with my daughter later.  It turns out that my daughter wanted to go outside to play which my kids do a lot of during the summer and her friend was telling her why they can’t go outside.  So I let my daughter know that what her friend was telling her was not going to happen near our house, or certainly not IN our house and to play outside if she wants, if her friend doesn’t feel comfortable going outside than that’s for her parents to deal with not my daughter nor myself.  I also don’t like it when kids use the “if you don’t do what I want to do than I’m going to leave” tactic and she uses this all of the time.  But I’ll have her over and hopefully I don’t pop a vein in my somersaulting brain of mine.  Breathe Bats, Breathe.

On a side note, I obviously made the decision to not start a second blog for quitting smoking.  I’m just going to keep everything right here on The She Chronicles instead of over loading myself with projects that I have no time for.  now I have to go walk in circles aimlessly and wonder where I am suppose to end up.  Breathe Bats, Breathe.

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Posted in addiction, alcoholism, Friends, life, Mental Health, nablopomo0809, parenthood, Quit Smoking Tagged: addiction, alcoholism, children, fathers, life, manic, mental, nablopomo09, parenting, tomorrow
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