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Al-Anon Meeting: Detachment

Posted Oct 21 2008 12:55am

This Weekend's Meeting is on: Detachment
If you have found this website you are invited to join us in a weekend long Al-Anon Meeting. It ends Sunday 1/20/08 at 6PM.

A Note: To view this post and the comments at the same time, click on the link above (This Weekend's Meeting is: On Detachment) or the Title: Al-Anon Weekend Meeting or here (click here)in order to get a better view.

The way Al-Anon Meetings start is someone reads from one of the Al-Anon books, something that was useful or something they used or had meaning to them and they add their feelings or situation. Since the meeting's subject is on "Detachment" I will provide the initial reading just to get the meeting started.

Here's what typically happens: We can comment on what is written below, we can type in a passage from another Al-Anon book, we can type in an experience, a question, or anything else on the topic "Detachment." Or, since someone may be experiencing a difficult time on some other area, or want guidance, you can bring up other questions, points, etc.

There is no "wrong" way to do this. So peace, and let go.

Let's start:
Hello. My Name is Joe. My Wife is my Qualifier. I believe she has been drinking for some time, probably over 20 years. But this is about us.

I still struggle with "detachment." In the beginning it was really hard to detach. I wanted to talk the other person (my wife) into sobering up. I would get angry when she was drinking, I would want to read her the "riot act," she would do something I did not "approve of " or disagreed with, and I would judge her with a look or a word of disapproval.

I would get myself worked up, the dog would slink off to the other room, and I am sure my daughter would hear us. I was "working myself into a lather." So I detached. I detached by giving her the old silent treatment. I then became isolated.

Then I heard "detach with love" at an Al-Anon Meeting. "How preposterous," I thought. And then, I started to apply it.
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Let me read from the book,"Courage to Change" . . .
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"What does another person's mood, tone of voice, state of inebriation have to do with my course of action? Nothing, unless I decide otherwise.

For example, I have learned that arguing with someone who is intoxicated is like beating my head against a brick wall. Yet, until recently, I would always dive right into the arguments, because that was what the other person seemed to want. In Al-Anon I discovered that I don't have to react just because I have been provoked, and that I don't have to take harsh words to heart. I can remember that they are coming from someone who may be in pain, and try to show a little compassion. I certainly don't have to allow them to provoke me into doing anything I don't want to do.

Today's Reminder
Detachment with love means that I stop depending upon what others do, say, or feel to determine my own well-being or to make my decisions.
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Now I open it up for comments. Thank you.
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