A Recovering Alcoholic's humorous look at Alcoholism and Depression-it is not all dark.
Posted Sep 26 2008 5:16pm
By the very nature of it suffering from Alcoholism and Depression brings a dark edge to your life. It is not fun. Every recovering Alcoholic and Depressive will tell you it is a time best forgotten. Learn from it, yes, but leave it all behind as soon as you can. I am nearly "OK" for 7 years now and most days it all just seems like a very bad memory. Did that really all happen to little ol me?
In many ways I do not want to give other present day sufferers any idea that it was not so bad after all. Well it bloody well was. A nightmare that fortunately mother time has softened into just a part of my life that I have left behind now. But maybe the human spirit bestows on us the ability to turn even the most horrible experience into something that we can even find slighty ridiculous and almost funny years later. My own experiences certainly bear this out. Without taking away the fact of the awful predictament that I found myself in I can now have a good laugh with loved ones and friends over some of the situations that I ended up in. Bizarre would be the operative word here.
Confused, drunk, stoned, irrational and unreasonable I went about my daily life. It was inevitable that I would bump heads with the great Universe. I stumbled from one chaotic event to the next, blissfully unaware of my fall from grace. From the first tentative drinks and pills to ease the day to the final hours awake before undergoing Sleep Therapy I existed in a bubble, entirely detached from the realities of the outside world. It was my way of coping. A safe and comfortable zone where I could pretend that I was not part of the problems of the world. As a result of this voluntary "detachment" I was able to conduct myself in a manner not befitting my true character and personality. The phrase " out of control" springs to mind. But in keeping with this posts title there were some whacky times.
One cold winters night (I live in Margate, South Africa-it never gets too cold) my better half and I were sitting outside enjoying the African sunset. I was of course absolutely pissed. The time came around to go to bed. I still had not drank my fill and suggested she go in before me. The next I knew she was shouting at me to come inside or be locked out. Sound familiar? I had fallen asleep and toppled over in my chair and was now still sitting in the chair with it lying on the ground with me staring up to the dark sky. South Africa is not the safest place in the world to be unconscious outside in the garden at 2 in the morning. But did I care?
I spent the evening at a friend's house and then left to go home. Simple enough. The next thing I remember is my friend pushing me out of the drivers seat of my car. I had reversed out of his property and promptly passed out in the middle of the road. So there I was, in my car, on a busy road, fast asleep with the car stalled. How I never caused an accident is beyond me.
I went for an evening at our local casino which is about 35 kms.away. On the way back in the wee hours I came over a rise in the road and bang, there it was. The biggest roadblock you have ever seen. My problem was that as I approached the cop who was flagging me down I could see 4 of him. Which one to aim for? My guardian angel took me to the right guy. To this day I have no idea why he never booked me. I could hardly hear what he was saying and no doubt he had trouble understanding me. Today the horror of that event is quite evident to me. What was I thinking of? In my youth I had already had a couple of accidents which left me relatively unscathed. In South Africa they estimate that 60% of our road accidents have alcohol involved. When you think that we lose upwards of 21,000 victims a year I feel quite sick about my actions. So listen to me guys. DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE. END OF STORY.
I once went to our local supermarket, probably to buy my favourite poison. On getting out of the car I promptly feel to the ground. Fortunately it was a quiet weekday and this tragic event was only witnessed by the security cameras. I could just imagine the staff having a good laugh at the drunken idiot in the carpark. I still had the cheek to wave at the camera. And I thought that nobody knew I was a drunkard. Newsflash. Only I never knew.
My house has this horrible habit of having steps interleading between the various rooms. Now there was an interesting obstacle during my "time". If I had people around who were sitting outside I had to make a decision. Once I went down to them that was that. I was not coming back up. That was physically impossible for me. 20 beers later and I was condemned to sitting it out until they left.
Most of what I have written obviously applies to us guys that are in recovery. Hopefully those unfortunates still finding their way will find some solace in these words.
One of those old English philosophers, Robert Frost I think, once wrote- "I came across two roads that diverged in the woods. I took the one less travelled. It made all the difference"