Double Your Romance With One-way Dates by David Steele
Posted Aug 26 2008 5:02pm
Over time, couples can easily develop routines that become ruts and it seems
like romance goes out the window.
Does this sound familiar?
Partner #1: “What do you want to do?”
Partner #2: “I don’t know. What do YOU want to do?”
Then they end up doing pretty much the same thing they have done before.
Couples can also fall into “compromise ruts,” where each gives up what they
really want to do in order to find something they can both agree upon. For
example, in choosing movies, he might love action-adventure, she might love
drama, and they might routinely compromise on comedies. After a while, this might
get old! (True story -- happened to me!)
What’s the alternative? How can couples keep their romance fresh and
Try rotating the following four ONE-WAY DATES:
TYPE 1: Partner #1 creates a romantic experience for partner
The purpose of this date is to give a gift and please partner #2 one hundred
percent. This doesn’t have to cost anything, and doesn’t even require going
anywhere, as long as the time and activities are creatively focused on what
would please partner #2.
TYPE 2: Switch; partner #2 creates a romantic experience for partner
TYPE 3: Partner #1 creates a self-centered romantic
The purpose of this date is for partner #1 to please themselves 100%, to have
romance exactly the way they want, sharing the experience with partner #2 in the
way they wish, but not worrying about partner #2’s experience at all.
TYPE 4: Switch; partner #2 creates a self-centered romantic
To work, this requires planning and coordination. I suggest couples plan
their dates and one-way types on a calendar a year in advance. This may
sacrifice the spontaneity that some prefer but often can’t sustain, for
intentionality that can continue to create romantic closeness and excitement for
decades to come.
I have found that trying to reach agreement on everything can hinder
creativity and dilute the possibilities. Using these One-Way Dates allows for
each partner to freely and creatively choose activities that would truly please
themselves or their partner, without eliminating exciting choices trying to
David Steele, MA, LMFT is founder of Relationship Coaching Institute
and author of "The Communication Map: A One-Page Communication System for All
Relationships. For more information about The Communcation Map visit http://www.thecommunicationmap.com