More than three years ago in these pages, I wrote a story titled, Do You Lie About Your Age? A few day ago, an “almost 25” year-old named Sue left this comment on that story that reflects the sentiments I see regularly on blogs by 20-somethings (30-somethings and up too):
“I didn’t read the whole article and yes, I hate getting older. Since society thinks old=bad, used, bitter, worn out, just "OLD"...not new, not active, so yesterday.”
For such a short comment, there is a lot to be disturbed about. Sue isn’t wrong about the culture’s prevailing definition of old and she “hates getting older” at 25? What, I wonder, could she be reacting to? What are we teaching our young women (and men?) about life?
Youth is a wonderful time. I wouldn’t have skipped it for anything even though, from this vantage point, I realize I could be superficial, overconfident, silly and, among other things, dumb about too much then – sort of like I am now sometimes.
But youth is not a time when anyone should be worried about getting old. I couldn’t imagine what life would be like at 67 when I was 25 (nor did I care much; it seemed so impossibly far in the future), and I spent a whole lot more time fearing death than age.
Now the concern is reversed in the sense that I hope not to continue living should physical or mental debility render me helpless.
As to Sue’s other point, that old equals “used, bitter, worn out, not new, not active, so yesterday”, let’s dispense with “not new” and “so yesterday” first. Those two characteristics are usually of importance only to young people to whom being au courant is essential. There was a time when I wouldn’t be caught dead in last year’s shoes or hair style. Young people eventually outgrow it.
What bothers me more are “used” and “bitter,” particularly the latter. Where did that idea come from? I’ve known a few bitter people over the years, but they were not old. They were all ages (one at age 37) and just bitter whatever their reasons. Old and bitter are not synonyms.
Negative beliefs about elders keep young people from wanting to know us leading to age discrimination in the workplace and healthcare industry, scare the bejesus out of young people and allow us to be portrayed on television, in books and movies and in general conversation as Sue describes, perpetuating those beliefs. (There is some small amount of improvement recently, which I’ll write about next week.)
Which brings me back to lying about our age.
How are young people going to get past the cultural myths about old people if we don’t show them? There are many ways to do that, but one is be real about the number of years we have lived. If we lie about our age, we are telling our children and other young people that it is shameful to grow old and that’s not something I’ve noticed among TGB readers here or on their blogs. Almost to a man and woman, we repeatedly say we wouldn’t want to be younger.
So: I’m 67 and will be 68 in about three months. How about you?
[ At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Kate Johnston writes about Outliving My Mother. ]
For such a short comment, there is a lot to be disturbed about. Sue isn’t wrong about the culture’s prevailing definition of old and she “hates getting older” at 25? What, I wonder, could she be reacting to? What are we teaching our young women (and men?) about life?
Youth is a wonderful time. I wouldn’t have skipped it for anything even though, from this vantage point, I realize I could be superficial, overconfident, silly and, among other things, dumb about too much then – sort of like I am now sometimes.
But youth is not a time when anyone should be worried about getting old. I couldn’t imagine what life would be like at 67 when I was 25 (nor did I care much; it seemed so impossibly far in the future), and I spent a whole lot more time fearing death than age.
Now the concern is reversed in the sense that I hope not to continue living should physical or mental debility render me helpless.
As to Sue’s other point, that old equals “used, bitter, worn out, not new, not active, so yesterday”, let’s dispense with “not new” and “so yesterday” first. Those two characteristics are usually of importance only to young people to whom being au courant is essential. There was a time when I wouldn’t be caught dead in last year’s shoes or hair style. Young people eventually outgrow it.
What bothers me more are “used” and “bitter,” particularly the latter. Where did that idea come from? I’ve known a few bitter people over the years, but they were not old. They were all ages (one at age 37) and just bitter whatever their reasons. Old and bitter are not synonyms.
Negative beliefs about elders keep young people from wanting to know us leading to age discrimination in the workplace and healthcare industry, scare the bejesus out of young people and allow us to be portrayed on television, in books and movies and in general conversation as Sue describes, perpetuating those beliefs. (There is some small amount of improvement recently, which I’ll write about next week.)
Which brings me back to lying about our age.
How are young people going to get past the cultural myths about old people if we don’t show them? There are many ways to do that, but one is be real about the number of years we have lived. If we lie about our age, we are telling our children and other young people that it is shameful to grow old and that’s not something I’ve noticed among TGB readers here or on their blogs. Almost to a man and woman, we repeatedly say we wouldn’t want to be younger.
So: I’m 67 and will be 68 in about three months. How about you?
[ At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Kate Johnston writes about Outliving My Mother. ]