Why does less and less control make me feel a need to be more and more controlling?

I've been going bonkers internally lately. I've always been a control freak, but as all the kids get older and older and my husband has a greater need for peace, it seems like I'm having less control by the minute. I don't know that there is anything wrong with me wanting to know who is in my home when, in begin able to enforce a "be in your rooms by a certain time at night" rule, etc. But lately it's nearly impossible. A couple of our kids are certainly immovable.

I wish that I could relax and simply let it be, but the less control I have the more controlling I become and internally I'm getting more anxious by the day.

I understand the "pick your battles" philosophy and I attempt to avoid that, and I write and talk about not trying to control the uncontrollable, so why can't I follow my own advice.

AAAAGHHHHHHHH!!!!!