Ignoring the Audience and yet not ignoring the audience...
Posted Aug 11 2011 9:23am
Writing a blog is a tricky thing. I started writing mine simply to vent some of my frustrations with life in my world of adoption and I tried not to think about who might be reading it. But with Site Meter, you can't really help but look and see you know?
But as I have "grown up" my blog has changed some too. It is more "Christian" that it used to be because I stopped worrying about annoying non-Christians. It is more bold sometimes because I stopped worrying about annoying people in the system. However it is less intense at times because I don't want to hurt the feelings of others. And I share less about my adult children because they are connected to so many more people now.
I have considered taking it down and creating a new one many times simply because I'm supposed to be marketing my books somehow and I am not sure this blog has helped much with that. I'm too unprofessional, too personal, not at all polished, etc. But here it sits (just like all the books in Bart's closet in our bedroom).
I have concluded that I am simply not going to think about who I am writing to and I'm going to continue to share about my journey. An online journal that I let whoever wants to read.... it's become a habit and a part of who I am and if my readership goes up or down, it's still just going to be that for me. The feedback I get, if it is encouraging, is wonderful, and the negative stuff I just let roll off my back.
But now for a family update for those of you who think "geez, her blog is all about her -- she's always talking abou herself" (duh). :-)
We are at an all time high in regards to "success" around here. Let's go down the list: Kyle got rehired for his teaching job in the fall and he and Christy are doing well. She has been working at a day care and so she is employed, yet still hoping for a teaching job. Rand is still employed at Lowe's and we just registered him to take a couple college classes. Mike is in jail, but is working through the work release program and is applying to go to college. John got a job and starts Monday! and his girlfriend also got a job and is supposed to start this weekend. We are going to help babysit the cutest baby in the world. Salinda's boyfriend, Henry, has a very good job working with his step dad in carpentry or something like that, and Salinda is devoting herself to Gabby. After hearing Bruce Perry talk about the importance of attention and communication at that age, it is amazing to see how well Salinda is doing in raising her. She is really turning into quite a fun little girl and I overhear Salinda having constant positive conversations with her. Salinda is a very good mom and while I don't agree with everything that she is doing, I do support her decision to spend as much time with Gabby as she can at this point instead of working.
Paragraph break simply because the last one was too long.
Jimmy is supposed to be starting work in the next week or so at the MSU campus in their cafeteria, a perfect job for him. And Sadie is getting more hours than ever at Dunn Brothers. Leon is applying for a job.... and the other kids are actually doing better behavior wise than they have ever.
So... there is definitely success going on.
And me? I'm actually very excited about my spiritual life right now which hasn't happened in quite a long time. I came across the Monvee plan for spiritual growth and it has been awesome. It costs $20 to get the intro packet, but after you read some stuff and watch a video you can take an online assessment that is very accurate in my case. It then shows your learning style, your pathway to spiritual growth, and your personality and temperment. Does it surprise you that I am most like Sampson? I'm not sure that there are many female Sampsons out there but maybe that is why I've had such a struggle in the past with some of the resources that are out there.
All that to say this: I now have a road map with things each day that I can do to grow spiritually and it is all connected online and on my Iphone app. And it is things I LIKE to do -- not the things I've been told all my life I SHOULD do. In addition, I have signed up for YouVersion , an online bible study community and am reading their 21-day Spiritual reading plan for harried (not hairy, tyvm) women. If you sign up for it, let me know and we can connect on there. It has kind of a community "face-bookish" feel where we can actually see what notes people are making as they read the Bible.
All that stuff, in addition to going to the Y, keeps me on top of things instead of feeling like I am buried by my choices to raise all these tough kids. I remain determined to, without the assistance of psychiatric medications, remain upbeat and positive as much as I possibly can as I live out this journey.
Today I'm heading to do a home visit and spend some time in my office. One of the exercises on my Roadmap for Spiritual Growth is "Karaoke for One" and I'm going to love doing that -- cranking the tunes and singing my heart out where nobody can hear me in the car....
So there you have my brain dump for today. Always looking ahead, always hopefully, always adjusting this and that to try and do better and be better, and, when I find myself at the bottom emotionally I simply remind myself that every. single. day. is a brand new one, a new opportunity for me to be a better me -- the me I was meant to be.