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I Yam what I Yam or To Be Me or Not To Be Me

Posted May 11 2006 12:00am

When I started blogging I knew it was a risk. After all, dooce was fired for what she wrote in her blog. I decided that I would be discreet about information that involved other people, but let it all hang out otherwise. As those of you know know me personally are aware, I am about as unpretentious as they come. I am authentic, open, and honest, and am always and completely me.

I started blogging for adoptive families and those planning to adopt to let them know what it was really like. But it has become my journal for all things. And the address “gets around” and now there are many others reading the blog for other reasons . . . people I don’t know. Letting it all hang out for the world to see may not be wise. My friends and other adoptive parents get me and “get it.” They understand the ups and downs and the emotions of this, and yet because they know me personally understand how my personality fits in with it all or understand what it feels like to b me. Or, if they don’t know me, they know the journey and it makes sense.

But whenever I get negative feedback about the contents of my blog, especially when I feel like I am being attacked, it makes me feel bad. In addition, taking the past year of my life and trying to define our family by it, without meeting us, would be a very unfair picture -- as this has been, by far, the hardest year of our lives. It’s not really accurate to judge the essense of who people are by one year of their lives.

I’ve always had a “take me or leave me” approach to life, but as the wife of a minister this doesn’t always work so well. In person, people usually find my honesty refreshing, but it doesn’t always happen when people read what I’ve written.

SO, all that vague stuff to say this.

Does finding out that there are people reading my blog who are liking me less and less based on what I write or who are using what I write for ammunition to make negative statements about my family mean that I should be less authentic? I don’t think so.

Does the good that my blog has done for adoptive parents and prospective adoptive parents outweigh the negative repercussions that my honesty may bring to us? I certainly hope so.

Can I honestly state that I have been as discreet and positive as I can be when it involves other people and that my heart has been pure and my intentions nothing but noble? Without a doubt.

Can I trust God to work out the misunderstandings that my sometimes careless words might cause? I believe that I can.

WIll I continue to believe that most people are generally good and that being trusting and simple in my approach to the world will ultimately pay off? Most certainly!

Am I begging for comments that will encourage me to keep blogging? Of course not, but I certainly won’t delete them.

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