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3DPO: In My Bubble

Posted Sep 07 2008 12:00am
Both IUIs are done, I'm currently taking a cocktail of progesterone supplements and prenatal vitamins. I've been on the outskirts of hope, and down in the dark place , and now I am up top and protected in my bubble.

What is the bubble? Well, you see, it is a protective place in between ovulation and beta. Some call it the 2WW. I feel as if I am in more of a bubble. I'm safe in here. I have no reason to feel sad or feel that this hasn't worked. I'm in infertility purgatory. A negative pee stick won't kill me right now, because I know it's too early. A positive pee stick means I've tested too soon after my trigger shot. I'm safe from the horrible feelings of a failed cycle in this bubble. I'm floating along with my head held high until I am pulled out, kicking and screaming, and thrown back into the dark place.

Or perhaps not?

Things I've done this week since the IUIs that could warrant me as being clinically insane
  • Talked to my belly (I figured people say it is good for plants, so why not eggs and sperm?)
  • Held my hands on my belly in order to prevent seat belt strap from squishing it (maybe there is something in there worth protecting? doesn't hurt.)
  • Squeezed the magnets in my ears
  • Compared my chart on FF to those of pregnant people to scrutinize to see if there are, perhaps, any similarities
  • Lined up my POAS in order to start peeing tomorrow in order to "test" the HCG out of my system
  • Said a prayer in my head after seeing a ginormious pregnant lady at the grocery store ("Please Lord God, let me look like her in a few months. Amen.")
  • Looked at nursery decor online
  • Checked my friends' baby registries
  • Went to Toys 'R Us and Target and browsed the baby sections

In all, I'm not complaining. I'm too scared of being back in the dark place in 2 weeks to complain about being stuck in a bubble.
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