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That tender heart, conversations with an anonymous Mom

Posted Jun 05 2009 5:07pm
From: Anonymous
Oct, 14, 2008, 7:39 PM

I remember when all three kids were fighting and screaming it was a really bad day. I was in my son's room when I decided to yell out the window "would someone please call DYFS I cant take it anymore." All of a sudden I hear this voice say "don't worry Mommy I will call for you." I just started laughing. It happened to be my other best friend Kathy who lives 2 houses down from me walking passed my house and heard me asking for help. We laughed so much at that. She knows my life inside and out. My 1 of 2 angels God sent me. The other is Anne. We laugh because there is always excitement at my house. You come here you will never be bored.

I have been banned from an optical shop because they said It was costing them to much money to replace Chad's glasses so often. They said they would fix them once more but take your business elsewhere. Mind you the glasses were flexion there not suppose to break. lol I have the letter to prove it. He's thrown glasses on the roof, a soccer shoe on the roof because he could not get the knot out. Kathy and I were out there in the front with a pool pole trying to get his shoe back because we were late for soccer practice. I find socks outside behind the bushes. Now I know where all the socks go. The list goes on and on.

But yet he came home the other day from the movies with a friend, they had seen The Express. He walked in the door and I asked how the movie was? He came over hugged me tight and said "I don't want you to die." The movie was sad and Chad felt it. We discussed the movie and dying and he felt better. My son has a great big heart. I do tell him that I am not going anywhere because when he gets married and get his own home I tell him to prepare his wife. I am coming in like a banchee to break all his picture frames and put a few holes in the walls. lol We laugh. I am only teasing him.

FROM: Tracy
Oct, 15, 2008, 11:37 AM

Good morning,
I sure can appreciate the broken glasses... Cody never wore glasses but he broke every other thing we ever owned. And as for being banned from stores... HA!
Ever take Chad to the mall when he was younger?

My oldest sister who has never had children invited Cody and I to the mall when we were visiting back east. He was maybe 4 at the time. I said no freaking way was I taking that kid to the mall! She promised that she would watch him the whole time and that I could just relax and enjoy the trip. I finally agreed. We were there no more than 2 or 3 minutes. I had seen him dart into a clothing store while she was chatting away. I knew there was only one entrance so I didn't say a word. I stopped and listened to her for a few seconds before she realized he was gone. She spun in circles calling his name in desperation. I pointed to the store and sat on bench in the mall to wait. It was hysterical. She was chasing him in and out of the clothing racks as he pulled things down to block her. The whole store was in an upheaval. It took her a while but finally cornered and snagged him up. Apologizing profusely to the angry clerk as she made her retreat back into the mall, squiggling, screaming 4 year old in her arms. Her face was bright red and she had tears streaming down her cheeks. She was somewhere between furious and terrified. I was quietly smug and said "so how do you like taking Cody to the mall now?" She said "Tracy, I will NEVER assume I know how to parent any kid ever again, and I will NEVER bring him back to the mall! I am so sorry. Can we go home now?" I had to laugh, I'm sure she thought I'd be angry but of course, as I'm sure you know, it's times like this that bring me back to the reality of how good a job I AM doing raising a child like this.

What a great story that your friend was walking by as you yelled out the window! I was laughing out loud at that. God does put the right people there at the right time.

The tender heartedness of the ADHD child brings a lump to my throat. Yes, I know how you felt when Chad hugged you and told you he didn't want you to die.

It always amazed me that he could actually see me at times. I cried buckets of tears over him, but he usually kept his distance in those moments. But when I was going through my divorce, when I lost my grandfather, when my boss had chewed me out or I had faced something overwhelming, Cody was there. He could sense my need for tenderness. He would snuggle up close to me and tell me everything was going to be OK. His hugs were authentic and deep. I am crying as I write this, because sometimes I forget what an incredible blessing it was to be gifted with this child.

I have a great support system today, a beautiful marriage, 3 grown step daughters that I am close with and of course my 3 amazing sons. I work with alcoholic and addicted women in recovery and have many close friends. I suffer from clinical depression and have it managed well with medication, but now and then I have slipped into dark episodes where I see no hope whatsoever. When I get really bad it is hard to even ask for help, but I always have one last lifeline... Cody. There have been many phone calls, whether he was in the Navy in Maryland or college in San Francisco, or preparing for a performance he always took my calls and still does. He will stop whatever he is doing and remind me of who I am. He, like no one else knows me. He has a depth of empathy that can see well past most humans abilities. I am so very grateful for that. He has saved my life as much as I've saved his and it has been and still is a wonderful adventure.
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