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Santa Has ADD

Posted Dec 11 2011 11:13pm

For a few years now, I break out my now famous Christmas time post called “Santa Has ADD”. It is based on the Christmas classic Twas the Night Before Christmas. I enjoy poking fun at myself. So, it’s time to dust this classic off, tis the season!

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
The ADD’ers were stirring, busy as a mouse.
The stockings weren’t yet hung by the chimney with care,
A procrastinating St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled close to their beds,
While visions of Ritalin danced in their heads.
And Mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a never ending chat.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I stopped multi-tasking to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters while eating corned-hash.

The moon on the breast of the new-shoveled snow,
Gave the hustle & bustle to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight hyperactive reindeer.

With an energetic old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in an ADD moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than me his coursers they came,
And he whistled creatively, and called them by name;
“Now, Hyper! now, Crazy! now, Racer and Speedy!
On, Busy! on Spazy! on, Unfocused and Frenzy!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
Those wound-up reindeer let out a shriek & cry.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Concerta, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As confusion in my head, was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came quick & profound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with Strattera and soot.
A bundle of self-help books he had flung on his back,
And he looked so pragmatic just opening his pack.

His eyes, how they moved! His dimples how merry!
He was easily distracted, his nose like a cherry!
He blurted out answers, something about a bow?
And fidgeted in his beard for a piece of white snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke confused him like a blinding wreath.
He had a passionate face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a day-planner full of jelly.

He had difficulty playing, like a hyperactive elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know, I had to go make my bed.

He spoke too many words, and went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger beside his nose,
He procrastinated slightly, then up the chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh, but couldn’t find his whistle,
And away they all took off like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him shout out, as he made an illegal right,

Happy ADD Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.

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