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Living and Coping with Adult ADHD

Posted Oct 08 2009 11:44am

I am a wife, and mother of 4 girls. I am 42 and have a busy average life with children in college, high school, elementary school etc. I have 2 dogs and 2 birds. I take a college class so my brain keeps thriving and staying crisp and alert.  But - the ADHD I cope with is with me 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

I choose not do take the drugs as I have GAD, and Depression, and have tried 4-5 of these drugs. I have a pourous chemistry and seem to just keep absorbing the drugs until all I am getting out of them is the side effects. It starts out ok; and i feel the effects of the drug, and then gradually the effects wear off and I'm left with migrains, weight gain, sleeping too much, and more anxiety than when i started them.  So, I chose to get off all the meds and just go clean drug free.

I seem to know and understand the GAD and depression well enough that I can now cope fine without drugs. Iknow what a panic attack is so I know when they come on and how to get them to go away. It's not fun - but I'm drug free.

So, I still have ADHD all the time - I wake up worrying and my head buzzing with thoughts of everything there ever is to do in my world. I have a hard time losing at things and get so seriously upset I just avoid certain activities I know I do bad in. I move so much when I sit that I am aware of it and try to control it and just hold my hands and move that way without folks noticing.  I am always compelled to interupt and tell people things and I tell them way too much when I explain things. So, MOST people are not interested in being my friend after that.

Wednesday I was at Young Women in Excellence and I was trying to befriend a new lady in the ward and I told her where I was from. I told her too much though and I could tell oh she put up her walls and decided I was a nerd - not cool enough or something like that. I feel it right when it happens. For some reason women - especially women in my church do this - they are like afraid or just don't want to get close to me at all. I am less orthodox than many but I live it so strong and positively; but I'm not in a comma. This literally must be what they are so icked out about.

So- Never can someone just see my energy and think it's cool and want to get to know me. I have the Michael Scott - super friendly type personality. I am so willing to be cool, and share and just be a friend to someone but NOT ONE Mormon woman will ever choose me. Oh several will be an aquaintence to me and always chat at church - but it's coming into my life that NONE of them really wants to do. I just gave up on this ; so having a close Mormon friend is not going to ever happen for me. 

This is ADHD... Say too much, have too much energy yet - I have chronic fatigue so I'm 'really' exhausted all the time- and you answer too many questions. I can't change - so I'm just bound to be ME. and NO one really just accepts that and likes me anyways. They do - but they'll never come to dinner or invite me to dinner nope - not me.... so

Life Sucks with ADHD... I wish it was the Cool thing to have or the Cool way to be then I'd be such a lovable person.

So my life stays very lonely for this reason.

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