This morning I weighed myself on the scale at work (I dont keep one at home for good reason) and I am pleased to say that I am down 15 pounds since August.
I also broke out the measuring tape last night, and that number is the one that really makes me smile! I have lost a total of 17.5 inches. Most of those inches have come from by chest and butt of course (4 inches each) but I’ll take what I can get!!
Im about halfway to my goal. I’d like to lose another 15 pounds, maybe 20. But if I dont, thats ok too. Its not about the pounds, and I have to keep reminding myself of that.
Every now and then I think about how tiny I used to be, and the urge to get there again kicks in. But the person I was then is not who I want to be. She was unhealthy, she was exhausted, she was miserable and she was just plain mean! Who wants to be like that?
Its hard sometimes, because it would be so much easier to fall into my old ways, but I know that I cant. I spent so many years working against my body, poisoning it with diet pills, and treating it like an enemy. And for what? Yes I got skinny. About 50 pounds less than where I am now.
But did it make me happy? No.
Did I get the boy? Sort of.
Was he worth any of it? NO! Did I have a life outside of the gym? No.
Was it worth alienating myself from my friends and family? Absolutely not.
So wheres the appeal? I only get one body, so instead of fighting with it, why wouldnt I work with it?
Thats why Im where I am today. At the risk of sounding like a cliche, I finally learned that its not about the outside. Its really not. How you look on the outside does not define your happiness in any way. You can be thin and beautiful and still hate yourself a little more every day. I sure did. Or you can give it up, and strive to be happy. Thats what life’s about.
I am happy now. I love my life, I love myself, and if I dont lose any more weight and stay as I am, well thats ok. It took me years to get to this point, but my goal now is health. As long as Im healthy that will be enough for me. If you take care of yourself, I believe everything else will fall into place.