My son is 41/2yr old. He is an energetic active very intelligent little boy. He goes to preschool and the school is having some problems with his behaviour. They say that he uses his hands more than his words (he touches, pushes, and hits... he bit someone once... does not recognise personal space) and that when the teachers talk to him he does not have eye contact. He is sensitive to noise and closes his ears with loud noises.
When I take him for playdates and play outside I tell him his rules and he usually follows them and I do not have incidents of him touching other kids...if he does I give him a warning and he stops since he likes to play with the kids. I find that he makes eye contact with me when he is talking; unless he knows that I am upset at something and then he avoids eye contact but looks at me when I ask him to. I do know that my son likes to hug but when I remind him that we have to ask before we hug he does comply. The closing of ears I notice is at times when he is scared and at times when the noise is loud (he is very sensitive to tone of voice)... this has gotten better over time as it used to be a lot more when he was younger.
What I wanted to put across is that nothing my son does is uncontrollable and so severe that he has tantrums .... he does something I reprimand/warn him and he stops... he might do it again but does stop when asked . The grabbing and sharing has gotten a lot better since he started school... I see a big difference since he started school. It is very impressive to see him communicating with his friends at home and infact putting his feelings across.
Sometimes I feel that since he is an only child he misses company... I am trying to find more playdates for him and am thinking of putting him in taekwondo/karate to get him to move around and use some energy. I am conciously asking him to look at me when he talks and using a constant tone of voice (atleast trying to :) )
I desperately need some advice on what to do... whether I need to seek professional help or if this is just a growing phase.
You mother like I do. You pay very close attention to what is going on in your son's life which is wonderful, but sometimes when we mother like this we tend to take each small thing that we see very seriously. No, I do not think you son has any behavioral issues that require special testing. You are handling it perfectly, address each issue as it arrises. If he is already showing improvement then you should be patting yourself on the back, not worrying.
As for the specific issues, I have a few random bits of info that may or may not be helpful.
First of all, children who do not feel that they can express themselves adequately with words instinctively turn to physical tactics. I have a neice who used to be a biter. I read an article that said when toddlers WANT to say something but do not yet have the verbal skills to express themselves it is extremely frustrating and the frustration is releved through biting. After reading this I walked in one day to hear my daughter (who was talking at the age of one and telling people off by the age of two) teasing her cousin and picking on her with a lot of words that I'm sure her cousin would have liked to respond to but was not able...sure enough, her cousin bit her. (and in my opinion she deserved it!)
Having a hard time sharing is natural for an only child. Your instinct on that is right on. The more social activities he is involved in the better it will get.
As for the noise sensitivity, I'm not sure what causes it but my 13 yr old and I both have the same thing. She used to cover her ears in the same way when she was younger but she stopped by the time she was 8. I start snapping at people around me if the TV or someone's music is too loud. My daughter and I have dealt with it by simply letteing our family know that sometimes we need quiet time. If the house is noisy we are allowed to go in a bedroom and close the door without everyone thinking that we are angry or that something is wrong. We just say "I need a little quiet time". With a younger child you need to do it for them. Say something like "would you like to go in your room and play with the door closed for a little while until things quiet down out here?"
Anyway, I didn't mean to write so much but I really connected with what you were saying. I have 3 kids and have been through most of that at somepoint or another. My favorite saying ever when it comes to raising children is..."and this too shall pass". EVERYTHING is a phase...nothing is forever.
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